What once started as an “innocent” new thing in life at the age of 15, turned into a whirlwind of dependency and chaos. Struggling with fitting in as a youth and being accepted by peers was a common theme and occurrence in my earlier years. Always chasing the next new “shiny thing” that came my way, while still never being able to fully obtain the last one. 

 The occasional beverage turned mood enhancer during bouts of depression, turned into a best friend. One that was always around, and when it wasn’t things were not the same. I would often find myself struggling to make it through my days at work, only to come back home and start the cycle of desperation over again. Moderation was never a thing when alcohol was around. It was all or nothing. Party time or no time was the motto and the energy I was going for.

During the end stages of my first marriage, still deep in depression and serving my then master “The Bottle”, I made way too many terrible decisions, which led to some even worse consequences and repercussions.

I lost a myriad of friends. I lost even more family members and even myself. I found myself in places I shouldn’t have been, doing things I knew better than to be doing. However, when I was with my “best friend” in tow, nothing mattered. I was who I felt I should have been made to be from the beginning. I knew right from wrong, and that the things I did, I knew that one day I would have to be held accountable for. 

Growing up I had heard of this Jesus. I had heard of God. I had heard of the Bible. But to be honest, I had nothing to do with any of them. That is until I met this wonderful, beautiful, woman in 2016. Today she is my wife, and I owe everything to her…but not just to her.

She was just like me. She liked the same things, the same hobbies and even liked the same partying lifestyle as I…but there was more to her than I Knew. We started attending church together. I was beginning to learn more about God, Jesus and the Bible. I was beginning to learn how God had sent his son to the cross, for me!! I was beginning to learn that the lifestyle that I was living was not a good one. I learned that even though I could not see the best parts of me, or even the parts that Jesus saw, He still loved me for who I was…flawed and all.

In 2018, my wife (fiancé at the time) and I attended a new church that we had never attended before, after my oldest child begged us to go to. That night, my entire life was about to change, and I did not know it.

As we sat down in our seats to wait for the service to start, something felt different. I was feeling something that I had never felt before. The service started and we stood to begin singing praise and worship to the Lord. I did not even make it through the first song, and I began sobbing. The rest of the service I continued to cry. 

My whole life I had wanted to feel accepted. I wanted to be worthy of love. I wanted to feel like my flaws were not visible to the world. I wanted to get rid of all the shame and guilt from the things I had done previously in life. The lying, the stealing, the shame of covering up myself behind a fake smile and an even weaker self-esteem would soon disappear. As the message went on, I felt this feeling that I cannot begin to describe. Through the tears and support of those around me, I made it through the end of the service.

That night, the night I will never forget, I gave my life over to Christ. I turned over my alcoholism, my selfishness and my poor self-esteem, and left it at the foot of Jesus. My wrong doings, my bad decisions and immorality were all forgiven. Finally, being free of being a slave to the bottle, after saying farewell to a long-time best friend, I was finally free, loved and accepted. 

Over time, I have learned my purpose in life. You see, everything we have done in life, everything that we have experienced and been through, all serves a purpose. It is usually never evident at the time we are there, stuck in our pain, our sorrow and our addictions, but there is a purpose for all of it. 

Looking back, all the rejections, all the fighting, all the tears, the pain and heart break, began to make sense. It taught me that I am to here to help others through the same problems that I had been through. It taught me that I had here to help others learn of the freeing power and love of Jesus Christ. 

In Romans 8:1 we learn that “now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” What this means is that the opinions of others, the negativity they express about me does not matter, because God loves me FOR ME. He loves me even when I mess up. He loves me even when my days are dark and I struggle, and He is there to pick me up. This is expressed in James 4:10 “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” 

Friends, I am here to help you. I am here to help you find the love and freedom that I found in Jesus Christ. My purpose in life is to help those who are just like me. The ones who society says will never be anything. The ones who feel that there is no love out there. The ones who just want to fit in. The ones who need that extra help in life.

I want to end by saying that God loves you, and so do I. If you’re feeling lost, just come home and see the love and freeness that God has for you.